


Love You Enough

by cazmalfoy



Category: Doctor Who (2005), Torchwood
Genre: M/M, Past Character Death, Year That Never Was
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-17
Updated: 2016-04-17
Packaged: 2018-06-02 21:39:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6583561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cazmalfoy/pseuds/cazmalfoy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Jack returns from travelling with the Doctor, he needs to ask himself if he loves Ianto enough to let him go.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love You Enough

**Author's Note:**

> This is set post Last of The Time Lords (Doctor Who 3x13) and Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (2x01).
> 
> The lyrics used are from Did I Say That? by Meat Loaf.

Jack had never been dumped. Well, he had once… a long time ago, in a place very far away. He had been dating three different people at once. Two of them knew about the others, while the third was completely in the dark. When Jack had been found out by his newest lover; well, it hadn’t been pretty to say the least.

Since becoming immortal Jack had always been the one to break people’s hearts. To love them for a few weeks – months if they were lucky – before moving on when things got stale.  
 __  
So this is what it feels like  
To be the one left behind  
To give it all you got then find  
You’ve already changed your mind

The bed beneath him had never been particularly comfortable, but sitting alone in the space below his office, with the lights turned off and the Hub in silence, Jack was sure the thin mattress was even thinner than it had been before.

He had been surprised to find the Hub empty when he returned from his travels with the Doctor. There should have always been one person around to keep an eye on the Rift. But, he supposed that the team was thin on the ground without him and couldn’t really spare anyone to take that task.

Jack had tried to access the systems to check the status of the Rift, only to discover that the passwords he remembered didn’t work. Someone had changed them in the… he didn’t even know how long he had been gone.

Bordering on the verge of pouting, Jack had stormed through the Hub to his office; still not liking the fact that his desk had been moved from its previous position by the door.

He couldn’t bring himself to reach out and flick on the light. Not now: Not when he knew what he would see in the bright light. 

Before he had left, the small wardrobe in the corner (the one that had taken him hours to put together after purchasing it from IKEA) was half-empty. The right hand side of it was full of Jack’s own clothes; perfectly pressed and hanging on their wooden coat hangers ready to be thrown on in a hurry.

The left-hand side, plus two drawers, was empty. Before Jack had disappeared with the Doctor, gorgeous clothes had mingled with his own. Spare items that would prove useful after a long day at work, followed by a quick shag when they got the chance.

Jack choked back a sob when he thought about how Ianto must have seen Jack’s attitude toward their relationship. He had been foolish enough to think that he didn’t need to care for anyone until he was reunited with the Doctor. Jack had tried to play the ‘relationship game’ a few times in the past, but eventually gave up when he realised true feelings only lead to hurting hearts and painful wounds.  
 __  
And this is what it sounds like  
Crying on the bed that we both made  
Waiting for a sign that you just can’t give me  
Any kind of sign

Back on the Valiant, Tish had been the one member of the Jones family who was allowed close to him. They had spent a few hours a day talking to each other, trying to offer comfort even though neither of them knew when their torment would end, or what their fates would be.

He could still remember her asking about his team back in Cardiff. When he mentioned Ianto, Tish had offered him a genuinely happy smile as she asked if Jack loved him.

Jack recalled himself rolling his eyes and telling her that Ianto had hidden his Cyberwoman girlfriend in the cellar out of love. He had almost destroyed the world out of love for one single person. If that was true love, surely it was a dangerous thing to be avoided at all costs?

No, he had told her, he and Ianto were just a casual thing. A pair of arms to fall into after a long day and a warm body to enjoy, nothing more.  
 _  
"You’re a fool, Jack Harkness," she told him bluntly, ever herself even in the midst of a crisis. "I haven’t seen you as alive as this for months. You love this Ianto Jones, even if you won’t admit it. Why won’t you give him what he probably wants?"_

_"And what would that be?" Jack retorted testily, trying to shift his weight so he wasn’t straining his chained wrists too much._

_"Someone to love him back. Someone to tell him how perfect he is. Someone to tell him how loved he is."_

_"Even if I do love him, he doesn’t deserve someone like me. He needs someone who can offer him the normalcy I’ll never be able to."_

_Tish rolled her eyes and held out the spoon of food to the Captain – she had no idea what the discoloured monstrosity was, but judging by the look on Jack’s face, it wasn’t nice._

_"Why would he want normalcy?" she questioned, brushing the corners of Jack’s mouth with a damn washcloth. "That takes the fun out of everything."_

_At the iron gates Tish turned back to him and offered the captive Captain a sad smile. "If you don’t admit it to him soon, Jack. You might need to start asking if you love him enough to let him go?"_  
  
When she had left, Jack had stubbornly told himself that yes, he did love Ianto enough to let him go. That was the only thing to do when he fell for someone who would undoubtedly leave him. He didn’t think he could stand the heartbreak of watching another lover wither and die before his very eyes while he lived on for an unknown amount of time.

It was only when time had reset itself and the past year had become a memory to only those on board the Valiant, that Jack questioned what he had been thinking.   
 __  
So I asked myself, ‘Do I love you so much  
That I’m willing to let you go?’  
And at the tip of my tongue the answer was ‘yes’  
But, at the bottom of my heart I’m wondering…

The Master had made Jack watch on a small monitor as the Toclafane hunted down the small group of individuals he had personally hand-picked for Torchwood Three. Gwen and Tosh’s deaths had been quick; both of them had been caught from behind as the Toclafane approached from behind.

It had been painful for Owen and Ianto. Jack could still hear their screams of agony as they were subjected to the most perverse methods of torture imaginable. Jack had closed his eyes against the images, only to force himself to reopen his eyes when he sounds alone became too much and his imagination filled in the blanks.

Saying goodbye to Martha and the Doctor had been once of the hardest and easiest decisions of his very long life. Even though he had wishing for an opportunity to leave Cardiff for so long, when presented with the option, Jack found himself drawn back to the city and his team; specifically Ianto and his beautiful Welsh vowels.

The Rift activity locator beeped from the centre of the Hub and Jack quickly pushed aside his melancholy thoughts as he scrambled up from his sleeping quarters.

Tosh’s computer monitor immediately sprang to life, displaying the co-ordinates of a Rift disturbance. Fastening his jacket, Jack stared at the screen tying to memorise the location. He tried to move the mouse, but wasn’t surprised when he found that the entire computer was locked so he could look at the information but not actually do anything.

Once he was sure he knew where he was going, Jack headed over the invisible lift he had used to enter the Hub and activated it with his Vortex Manipulator.

Unbeknownst to Jack, when the lift arrived at the top and he stepped off onto the Plass, the large cog door below rolled open, allowing the team to enter the Hub, fresh from lunch at a local café.

~

In some dark corner of his mind, Jack wondered if Gwen had paired him with Ianto on purpose; some form of retribution for leaving without saying a word to any of them.

The drive to the British Gas building was almost unbearable for Jack who was uncomfortable with any kind of extended silence. The silence in the elevator was even worse and Jack soon found himself feeling like was suffocating on the silence.

"You moved your stuff out," he stated, keeping his eyes firmly locked on their reflection in the lift doors.

Ianto's shoulders slumped a little before he straightened once more, his body becoming almost rigid. "Yeah. That tiny space you call a bedroom is a bit claustrophobic."

Jack put his hands in his pockets and shifted a little. "Ianto…" he began, trailing off when he realised he didn’t know what to say.

He was saved from saying anything as the lift doors opened, revealing the top floor. Pushing the doors open, Jack plastered a grin on his face as he turned to Ianto. "I’ve always loved offices; to me they’re exotic. Office romances, photocopying your butt." He glanced at the copier, "Well, maybe not your butt, although while we’re here, why don’t we…"

Suddenly Ianto stood up from where he had been crouched down, "Right, the Rift was active approximately two hundred feet above ground, so that means either this floor or the roof."

Jack hesitated, unsure if his next words would be unwelcome, given Ianto's act of moving his belongings out. "How… How are you, Ianto?" he asked, wishing he had managed to say it without stammering.

"All the better for having you back, Sir," Ianto replied distractedly. Jack had the feeling he was keeping himself busy so he didn’t have to actually look at the Captain.

"Can we drop the Sir now?" Jack whispered, leaning against the post he was stood next to. "While I was away, I was thinking. Maybe we could go out sometime, properly go out. You know, dinner and a movie?"

Ianto stopped his tracks and turned to look at Jack, with a look that mingled surprise and amusement. "Are you… Are you asking me out on a date?" he asked, placing his hands on his hips, trying not to appear flustered by Jack’s request.

"Interested?"

The younger man shrugged his shoulders, turning away from Jack as he continued looking around the office. "Well… As long as it’s not in an office. Some fetishes should be kept to yourself."

Jack sighed and glanced around them, silently damning John’s reappearance in his life. "Looks like we’re going to have to go through every drawer, bin and plant pot."

"I’ll take this floor," he smirked a little at Jack, "don’t want you getting overexcited. You take the roof; you’re good on roofs."

At the door, Ianto called him and asked why they were helping John. That had been a question Jack had been asking himself since he had agreed. There was something suspicious about the other man, that much he knew. John was up to something, he just hoped it wasn’t as bad as some of the scenarios he had thought up in his mind.

~  
 __  
And you know I’d drag myself through fire at your side  
And you know the gates of Heaven are surely open wide  
And I need some sympathy here  
And I need someone to call my own  
I’m standing in the light of my mistakes  
And begging you, ‘come home’.  
  
~

With a gasp, Jack jerked back to life, groaning when pain shot through his body as his broken bones mended themselves. He hated getting thrown of buildings, it had happened three times now, and none of the buildings had ever been single storeys.

"Are you okay?" he heard Ianto's voice ask quietly from above him.

He opened his eyes and suddenly released he was lying on the floor next to the bench he had landed on, with his head in Ianto's lap. The Welshman was threading his fingers through Jack’s hair; although Jack was sure Ianto hadn’t noticed he was doing it.

"Yeah," Jack sighed, trying to roll over, only to find he couldn’t move yet.

Ianto shook his head, making sure Jack stayed on his side. "Your back hasn’t completely mended yet," he stated. "Give it a minute."

Silence fell over them, neither of them speaking for a while; Jack only just realising how pleasant it was to be near Ianto and not have to speak all the time, or do anything for that matter.

After ten minutes of companionable silence, Ianto finally spoke, his voice barely louder than it had been previously. "Do you think you can walk now? We need to head back to the Hub."

Jack nodded his head, wincing as Ianto helped him into an upright position, then to his feet. No matter how many times he died, it always hurt like Hell when he came back. Suffering painful injuries prior to death never made things easier, either.

Ianto wrapped an arm around Jack, slowly helping the other man to the parked SUV. It was only then that Jack realised the remainder of his team were sat in the back of the car waiting for them, each looking determined and exhausted.

"Ianto, wait," Jack said, stopping suddenly.

The young Welshman turned to look at him in confusion. "Jack?"

Trying to pull of an air of sophisticated coolness was difficult at the best of times; trying to do it whilst leaning against the man you were trying to woo was virtually impossible. "I meant what I said back there…"

Ianto's eyes met his own as he asked, "Upstairs or at the Hub?"

"Both," Jack assured him quickly. "I… I did come back for you. Well, all of you really, but you were the one I…"

Ianto lifted his hand, pressing a finger against Jack’s lips, cutting of his babbling reasons and offering him a smile. "I didn’t move my things out to spite you. I’ve been thinking a lot this past few months and, you’re right, we should do this properly. Let’s go on the date and see where things go from there?"

Jack grinned and pressed their lips together in a chaste kiss, not caring when they heard cat-calls and wolf-whistles from their team-mates. 

Pretty soon they were on their way back to the Hub to stop John from whatever evil deed he was planning on doing next. Glancing over at Ianto, who was sitting behind the wheel, Jack couldn’t help smile to himself.

Once upon a time, he had decided he did love Ianto enough to let him go. But now, sitting here next to the wonderful man himself, he knew that he loved Ianto too much to let him go.  
  
 _And I know you need some time to run and hide_  
But the truth is hard to swallow when you’re choking on your pride.  
  
This time I’m not letting go  
This time I’ll have and I’ll hold  
This time I’m walking through fire  
This time I’ll feed your desire  
This time I will be your pride


End file.
